A good young person is the resource of a
good society. A nation of good youth will form the great nations of
tomorrow. But how do we make this
happen?
The beginning is always the home. And thus parents have the brunt of the
responsibility to make this happen.
A person’s goodness is defined by one’s
character. And the salient feature of
good character is the mix of the right manners one possesses. Personal hygiene, helpfulness, humility, love,
patience, forgiveness, thankfulness and gratitude, ability to control anger,
honesty, integrity, reliability, responsibility, kindness, sharing, and
selflessness all combine to generate the best of character.
The pervasiveness of social disruption and
lawlessness in society maybe quite rightly attributed to a lack of people of
good character in a community or even society as a whole. Such a community is
developed over time over generations; the result of successive generations
doing their part to continue and enhance those values, mores, and sensibilities
society sees necessary for its harmony. For closed communities this is
relatively easier to maintain this than for those that are buffeted with
external influences. This is why in modern societies, with the fast pace of
change streaming from outside, it so difficult to keep old culture and creed
sustained. Old values are constantly challenged and without the right social structure
to explain the pros and cons of the consequences of accepting these, society
soon develops the inevitable cracks.
Sadly what many of our newly modernizing
societies find more attractive and lap up the fastest are those that seem most
fashionable, not those that are developmentally useful. The clothes, the music,
the conveyances, the infrastructure and sadly even the decadent stuff of
gambling, drinking, sex and pornography, the use of narcotic substances and
those values too that mark a break from the age-old timeless attitudes of
caring and compassion for the young and the old, and those of helpfulness and
gratitude. It is as if we have come to define development by the vestiges of
the fringe behaviors that now plague the very industrialized nations that have
given birth to the idea of capitalism, modernization and materialism.
While every global society is cracking on
these fronts, in Maldives too, we see this same epidemic taking hold. Our
extended family that has been the fountain that refreshed and energized
successive generations with values and skills that keep a society together has
been torn apart with the advent of the nuclear family (to jive with the norms
of the materialistic lifestyle) leaving children to learn values from their
peers or ayahs, rather than from responsible parents. Every generation witnesses
a bit more of this erosion and our social fabric tearing ever more.
How can this process be halted? Can it
ever? Will society reinvent itself as a whole new entity where morality has no
place in it? Will we be controlled by alien forces and governed through the
power of technology and its likes? Will parenthood as a nurturing force
survive? Will it be deemed useless by the fact that parenting would also be
transformed into a technical in-vitro process? What a world that would be!
To avoid the above and to be human in the
ways that we were supposed to be as Allah SWA ordained us to be, we need to
begin a process of personalized change right away. We have to begin thinking
from the hollow life of a future we want to avoid, and fill it with the vibrancy
of human life, as it should be lived
The question of caring for our children and
instilling in them the character to live and succeed in this worldly life and
the Hereafter must begin even before two people get married. This is because,
nurturing a child with the right Islamic values and leaving behind a good human
being who will remember and cherish the memories of parents and contribute to
the good of society must have good role models.
That is the role of the parent.
For this, it is essential that we pick the right spouse. Just like
having good fruits from a healthy and strong tree, we need the strength of
character in parents too.
Islam teaches us that there are four
criteria in selecting a spouse; beauty, wealth, family background, and
righteousness. While most of us tend to gravitate towards beauty or attractiveness
as the first criteria for selecting a spouse, Islam says that the quality of
righteousness is the most paramount. This is because even as the other three
qualities may dwindle or be taken away by the passage of time, true
righteousness will always remain and be a beacon for our children and
grandchildren. It can only rub off on the children and society will benefit in
this world and in the Hereafter. To select or not select such a spouse is our
test in this world, for what we do will constitute the merit of demerit that
Allah will account for on the day of Reckoning. Just remember that the
Shaithaan is always there to lead us down the garden path, and sadly, we only
become aware of this when we are deep in the jungle of chaos.
Then comes parenting. Just as with the
“garbage-in-garbage-out” adage, when we have “value-in”, we will have “value-out”.
Good parents will bring up good children. So, Parents! You have twelve years
only to mould your child as you like, just as the baker has time with the dough to
mould before he puts it into the oven to bake the bread or whatever. Just like
the bread or whatever once baked, our children once into teenage will not be
ours to mould anymore. They will have their own ways to deal with what confronts
them from then on. As is said in Islam, from then on we can only be our child’s
friend – no more the mentor. Other metaphors people use to describe this
process of change is that of the cocoon and the butterfly, or the potters clay
and the finished jar. Once transformed for good or bad, we cease to be in
control of the result. Unaware parents will lose this golden chance and the
hurt will be theirs for life. Let’s pass our test of this world and bring up
this child as the amaanaath (the trust) that it is from Allah SWA. Yes, we
don’t own our children. They have been given to us to test us of that trust. We
have to return them to Allah.
All is not lost however. Within the compassionate Design of Allah
SWA, he has not left us hopeless. We, as aware individuals, still have means to
mould our character over time; we have the choice to cut our path. And there are
many ways. With some sense to guide us, we can actively reflect on our
character and seek to find the glaring chinks and patch these up. The best way
is by finding a peaceful moment in the day or night (as after prayer or
meditation) to reflect on our behaviour and our attitudes that please of
displease those we live with. How do we measure up to those attributes
mentioned at the beginning of this write-up. Where are we failing? In addition,
do we harbour hatefulness, resentment, jealousy, envy, or arrogance? We can be
truthful to our selves in this personal reverie, because no one will know
except you. This revelation will be the beginning of self-transforming. Self
suggestion, mental imagery, and prayer and supplication and all such methods
will help our subconscious mind to begin remoulding our old self-image to a new
one. It may take a while, but change will happen when we are committed and
dedicated. Begin in the name of Allah and the conviction of hope that He will surely
deliver for us (inshaaAllah).
Supplement this with the following also.
Don’t waste your time! Young people think that just because they are young, they
have time. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Remember that the idle mind
is the playground of the Devil. Do something productive and selfless;
activities that will benefit others rather than just you. Every moment lost is
lost time in this world as we travel towards our death which is inevitable.
What lies from there on is the Hereafter and we need to collect the good from
this world that will help us in that dimension. Do some kind of social service,
join an NGO, learn a trade or skill, learn a new language, or perform the
blessed task of memorising the Quran – at least some parts of it. And please
shun bad friends. They do so much damage that we don’t even know, but
Shaithan, with his clever design, draws such people to us to make us slip from
the Path. Negative and opinionated people don’t allow you to grow in your
spirit; Those friends who show off and do acts of pseudo-courage (like defacing
property, breaking social rules and laws, and doing the things that Allah
prohibited) will inevitably lead you onto the lap of Shaithan and get trapped.
Lastly but most important, please share
everything with Allah and make Him your Walee. Never lose hope that Allah will
answer your prayers. Be mindful of the ways Allah talks to us through “aha”
moments. We will miss these if we are not mindful. Following that Path of Allah
will not fail you. Believe in this truth!
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